Ahh yes, Sunday morning. This feeling of being lazy and not wanting to do anything. I've thinking about emotions, like every other day... again, and well... I've come to a realization.
After having a huge talk with this little flower, about myself, because normally she is the one talking about herself. I came to the conclusion even if I tell that little flower how I feel, it will never be reciprocated. Why do I keep wasting my time? And giving my feelings away for free.
I tried to tell her indirectly, but I'm not sure if she didn't get it or she just didn't want to respond. I hate when this happens, she simply doesn't see my as a potential dating partner. Maybe it's because I'm too nice? I always ask, what's wrong with me, but I get the answer that nothing is wrong.
I hate being too clingy, thank god I don't act like one. She'll maybe never want me as a partner, but still I wish to have hope. I want to have hope. I wished I had this, I really do. But it seems that sometimes people don't deserve it. It has happened before, like me crushing on someone, but I always get nothing back.
I wished she could see me different, as someone to love, rather than a really good friend. When was the last time a I felt something like this for anyone? Years? When I was still in University? Yeah kinda way back for me to care.
I hate this, I hate feeling like this. I wished feelings didn't exist. It would make this easier.
But still I somewhat have some hope, that someday I will be recognized, but I will not make it my priority and have any expectations.
Today I'm going to disappear from any form a chat and social media. I need to stay alone just for today. I need to breath.
